Proffesional Jokes

(1)
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No."The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
(2)
Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
(3)
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?""I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months."
(4)
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of Business School, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"The applicant said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years - say, a red Corvette?"The applicant sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
(5)
In a job interview for policemen the applicants are shown a profile picture of a man, and the interviewer says, "The job that you're applying for requires powers of observation. Make one observation about this man."
The first applicant enters and says, "This man has just one ear." "Get out!!" screams the interviewer.
The second applicant enters and says, "This man has one ear." "Get out!!" screams the interviewer again.
Then the third applicant gets up to go in for his interview. The first two guys are out there and they tell him, "The guy that's giving the interview doesn't like to hear that the man in the picture has one ear.""Thanks for the tip" says the third applicant.
So the third applicant enters, stares at the picture for a while and finally he says, "This man wears contact lenses." The interviewer is impressed and says, "Excellent observation. Tell me, how could you tell?" So the guy says, "Well, this man has just one ear, how could he wear glasses?"
(6)
When you hire people that are smarter than you are, you prove you are smarter than they are.
(7)
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer went in to try out for the job."Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?""11" he replied.The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?""Today and tomorrow."The sheriff was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know.""Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"